Victims of Chronic Introspection

It occurred to us to illustrate our own characters.

  • Control: represents the tough bitch who despises Chaos.
  • Growth: Me
  • Chaos: Represents imagination, creativity, curiosity and mortal enemy of Control.

Together we are victims of chronic introspection, incurably infected with the WSC virus, (Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda), which by all evidence doesn’t seem to be too contagious. 

WSC Virus side effects are excessive amounts of niggling, nagging thoughts and memories, unresolved conflicts, regrets, remorse, loss which make life miserable.

  • Who are these inner voices that say yea or nay?
  • What makes me feel proud, ashamed, anxious?
  • why did I have to say that to the boss?!
  • What triggers bad memories and hard feelings?
  • Where did life go so horribly wrong?
  • Why feel like such a loser over stupid stuff?
  • How could all of the above have gone any differently?

Most people could say they suffer some form of childhood trauma that affects them throughout their lives.  

That’s how coping skills are seared into our craniums to develop into  stereotypes and paradigms as we mature.   Coping skills are survival skills.

Touch a flame…take your lumps, you probably won’t be touching any flames any time soon.

Appropriate coping survival skills:

  • Swallow
  • Walk it off
  • Deal
  • Learn

Feel like you want to – but resist the urge to

  • Take a swing at the boss? 
  • Pinch an ass?
  • Pilfer forbidden fruit?

This is how Control guarantees basic survival of mySelf.

Most of the time it’s obvious – don’t cross the street till after you look both ways. 

Mom drilled that one into my head probably from my first step on into junior high.

Look both ways.  Look both ways.  Look both ways.  

Drilled in my the rule of three repetitions

This Triad stereotype has saved me and mine more than once from getting plowed under by red-light runners. 

Sometimes the reason for resistance is a phobia or fear.  I still sort of feel bad for not attending my kid’s third marriage when she decided her siblings all jump out the plane to parachute while the preacher reads the eulogy  vows.

She divorced him later, which somewhat nullified the sting of this sin of omission.  I would not allow mySelf to get past the fear of watching my entire life’s work splat to the Earth in tandem

  • Splat
  • Splat
  • Splat

Not our thing. 

Introspection: The Super Power

Super Power, or call it the third eye.  Humans seem to have the innate super ability to self critique. 

After all just look at the sheer number of love poems and country songs.

Where does this stuff come from…these feelings of shame, inadequacy, fear

We demand answers.  Fair & equitable?

We can work mySelf up into a state of anxiety and stew for days with feelings of resentment and guilt but

  • With whom a mystery,
  • When a vague recollection,
  • Where were we when the feelings started,
  • No idea what was seen, said, done, thought, heard

…all while telling ourselves we don’t care, then

  • Feeling guilt because we do care
  • Feeling anxiety
  • Don’t know why

but all the while

  • Feeling helpless
  • Resenting anxiety
  • Don’t know who to blame

Resort to comfort food and sanctity of habit. Repeat…only to realize eventually the obsession was over a random inappropriate thought or visualization…

  • Pope naked…
  • the bosses balls….
  • wondering how the president f…s.

and now we’re a pound or two heavier and realizing the wrath of Control for violation of the internal rules, most of which are well guarded secrets while Chaos all the while has been making wild speculations which causes confusion to Growth which encourages mySelf to believe ice cream and cookies will make them all finally shut up…rinse, repeat.