Halloween Humor

April 30, 2021 | By pkelley | Filed in: Theory Of Pat.

Hocus-Pocus Jokus
Halloween Jokes

What could be more fun on Halloween night than to tell funny, punny jokes to torment all those terrified strangers and neighbors who give out candy and treats to visiting witches, warlocks and werewolves. Ok, I can think of at least several things, but these are good, clean and harmless jokes any kid can feel comfortable telling to perfect strangers standing in doorways holding bowls of chocolate candies and bags of candy.

Announcing, “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat,” only gets you so far. There’s always someone who will ask for a joke or funny story in return for their prized packages of milkduds or M&M’s.
In the olden, late medieval days, Trick-or-treating involved the practice of souling. This was when impoverished people would travel door to door on Hallowmas offering to pray for the dead on All Soul’s Day in return for food. Now, you could have your costumed zombies, werewolves, witches and other creatures of the night go around offering prayers for food, but the kids would probably have much better reception by telling a couple of bad jokes instead.

These groaners and moaners will provide your child with an arsenal of horrid tales to tell on Halloween night that are sure to make all ghosts and goblins howl with cackles, shrieks and woeful lamentations of the demonic minions of the underworld.

Halloween Jokes to Tell on Trick or Treat Night

  • Question: Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road? Answer: It had no guts.
  • Question: What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? Answer: A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
  • Question: What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Answer: Booberries.
  • Question: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Answer: Frostbite.
  • Question: Why does Dracula wear pajamas?Answer: Because he doesn’t have a bat robe.
  • Question: How did the little ghost get trapped in the linen closet?Answer: Mama ghost folded his sheet.
  • Question: What are ghosts favorite foods? Answer: Boo-berry muffins, ghosted oatmeal, raisin ghost.
  • Question: What do spiders drink? Answer: apple spider.
  • Question: What do witches eat? Answer: deviled eggs, quackers and I scream.
  • Question: What do baby ghosts wear? Answer: pillow cases because sheets are too big.
  • Question: What has a wooden leg, wears an eye patch and goes AAARG!Answer: A vampirate
  • Question: Where do monsters go on vacation? Answer: The Howliday Inn
  • Question: Where do witches go on vacation? Answer: Home for a spell.
  • Question: Why did the dragon’s bed burn up? Answer: He accidentally sneezed into his pillow.
  • Question: What happened when a witch told a joke to her magic mirror? Answer: It cracked up.happy002 1200
  • Question: What game do witches love to play? Answer: Hide-and-shriek
  • Question: What does Dracula do after brushing his teeth? Answer: He gargoyles to prevent bat breath
  • Question: What kind of music to ghosts like? Answer: Rhythm and Boos.
  • Question: Knock-knock: Who´s there? Answer: Juicy. Question: Juicy who? Answer: Juicy any ghosts lately?
  • Question: What do goblins drink on Halloween? Answer: Red ghoul-aid
  • Question: What do monsters eat? Answer: Human beans.
  • Question: What do you call a witch who lives in the desert? Answer: A sand-witch.
  • Question: How do girl ghosts like to dance? Answer: Boo-gie with the boogy man.
  • Question: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? Answer: He had no body to dance with.
  • Question: Why did Dracula visit the doctor? Answer: Because he was coffin.
  • Question: What do you call a goblin who gets too close to the bonfire? Answer: Toasty ghosty.
  • Question: What do ghosts eat for desert? Answer: Ice scream.
  • Question: Where do ghosts like to hang out? Answer: On dead end streets
  • Question: What happens when two vampires go on a date? Answer: Love at first bite
  • Question: Who was the most famous Halloween detective? Answer: Warlock Holmes
  • Question: Who was the most famous mummy detective? Answer: Sherlock Bones.
  • Question: Who was the most famous French mummy? Answer: Napoleon bone-apart
  • Question: Where does Dracula go in New York? Answer: The Vampire State Building.
  • Question: What do witches use to style their hair? Answer: Scare-spray
  • Question: What do ghosts eat for breakfast? Answer: Boo-berries.
  • Question: Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road? Answer: He had no guts.
  • Question: When do ghosts have breakfast? Answer: In the moaning.
  • Question: Why didn’t the skeleton want to see the scary movie? Answer: He didn’t have the guts.
  • Question: What is a Ghost’s favorite food? Answer: HamBoogers


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